Moving abroad is a big deal.
And an even bigger deal when you don’t speak the language. We didn’t know Spanish when we arrived in Ecuador.
When I say that, I mean we really didn’t know it. We didn’t hear it growing up or see it on signs – there was no Spanish spoken in our area.
Shortly after we got married in 1999 we took a Spanish course for a few months, but then our daughter came along and we had a different focus. It was not until 10 years later that the plan of moving abroad and learning Spanish came up again.
“No Hablo Español” - I Don’t Speak Spanish
Our first thoughts of moving abroad were centered on English speaking areas, or at least areas where English was somewhat widely spoken. We didn’t spend much time thinking about learning a different language.
But then we found Cuenca and felt it was the spot for us. We didn’t let the language stop us.
We only knew a few basic greetings when we arrived. The term “total Spanish immersion” became our reality – and it was very challenging at first. It can still be challenging but in a different way. We now know that we are not saying things correctly. And although we can communicate, we feel discouraged at times. In other words, we know we sound like fools.
We still feel a bit isolated sometimes. It’s hard to share our personality with friends when we are always stumbling over verb conjugations. We don’t always get their jokes and it’s almost impossible to make jokes of our own when we don’t fully understand the culture or have a full grasp of the language. At times I feel sad and frustrated because of the distance between me and my Ecuadorian friends.
Communicating face-to-face can be challenging but talking on the phone is much harder. It’s interesting how much body language (and charades) play in communication when you are learning a new language!
Something that has helped me is Pimsleur Language Programs (Audible) on my iPod. With work, homeschooling our daughter, along with all the other mom-stuff it hasn’t always been easy to find time to study. So being able to listen while washing dishes has been a great way to keep up with my Spanish. In addition to Pimsleurs, we used many books to learn Spanish.
Total Immersion Learning
The language learning process has been surprising. After 3 years I understand almost everything I hear, but my speech is far behind my comprehension. Everyone I talk to that has been through total immersion says that is how it goes, but it just seems so odd to me.
We haven’t studied Spanish enough (life kind of happened) and is no doubt a large part of the reason we struggle like we do. With that in mind, there are some interesting things I’ve noticed about how a family learns a foreign language when totally immersed in it. Personality, learning styles and support come into play.
Personality And Learning Styles
If one member of the family is a little more on the shy/timid side (as I am) it can be a bit more difficult than for a more outgoing person. I hesitate to speak up, I’m much more comfortable one on one, so because of that Bryan does most of the talking. That practice has helped him become more fluent than I am. On the other side of that personality difference is pronunciation. Because I’ve taken longer to speak and I weigh my words more, my pronunciation is better (or so I’ve been told) than his. We make a great team. 
Our daughter was 8 when we arrived and for the first 2 or 3 months she didn’t even attempt to say anything in Spanish, and we didn’t push her. Once she started becoming familiar with the sounds of the language and she started hanging around with some kids her own age, she was off and running. She helps us all the time now. Her Spanish is miles ahead of ours.
Learning styles come into play as well. Some people don’t learn as well from books as others. Some learn quickly by picking things up as they go along, while others need a lot of repetition and practical application. For some fluency comes easier, so one family member could be fluent with pronunciation difficulties, while the others will have good pronunciation and be struggling with fluency.
A program that you might find of interest is Speak From Day 1 (read the full review). It helps establish the language-learning mindset.
Being Supportive
The key to success is understanding learning differences, working with them and being supportive of one another. We all have bad days when we complain about our frustration with the language but we build each other up. It’s important to feel comfortable to express discouragement and frustration freely within the family unit without the fear of being judged. This creates an encouraging atmosphere for continued learning.
It wasn’t always that way with us. When we first arrived and one of us would get discouraged with the language there was a tendency to hide discouragement - so as not to give the appearance that learning a new language was a big deal. But as time went on, we realized that bouts of discouragement were just a part of the process and that expressing frustration actually helped create an atmosphere of understanding. It’s funny how when everyone in the family realizes that everyone else in the family is having a hard time adjusting, it’s not as hard to adjust anymore.
Our family has grown a lot in our understanding of how to draw together and support one another emotionally. I am very grateful for this aspect of life here in Ecuador. I was not fully prepared for the challenges due to language barriers. I had no idea how these challenges would help shape the loving support within our family. Nor was I prepared for how it would feel to find some days so hard and others so amazing.
The Reality Of It All
It is much different to travel through an area with a basic understanding of the language, than it is to live there. It’s different again to live 6-12 months in an area with the purpose of learning a language than it is to relocate, living the culture and the language. If someone is just passing through, relationships are not really all that important. Meeting people and making friends is definitely enjoyable, but if a person knows that they will be leaving, everything is a lot lighter.
When a person relocates, the things that make a friendship bonding come into play, like helping each other through difficult times, making memories centered around cultural aspects of life and learning from one another. When a person is faced with this reality in a foreign language, their perspective changes and they find themselves struggling to make real connections.
I have often felt tears in my eyes just from being able to offer some simple words of encouragement to a Spanish speaking friend. It’s been very important for me to stay focused on the future and what I know I will be able to say and do. Although the isolation we feel is difficult at times, we have found that it has drawn our family closer together, taught us not to take things too seriously and to laugh at ourselves more often.
We are enjoying the satisfaction that comes with understanding and progressing toward communication in a foreign language. It has been difficult, but that’s often what makes the reward that much sweeter.
What has your total immersion experience been? Please share with us by commenting on this post.
Jakob April 2, 2013 at 8:47 am
edit
One of the key obstacles to becoming fluent in a language is the fear of appearing ridiculous when speaking. I have found this the main reason why people from some countries learn languages better than the rest. In some cultures people do not mind sounding ridiculous at first, in others they often feel ashamed. You have to embrace “sounding like a fool” and plough through that phase like it’s perfectly normal (because it is).
Bryan Haines April 3, 2013 at 9:07 am
edit
It’s a good point. I’ve seen some foreigners afraid to speak a word and others can hardly stop talking – despite their limitations. Those who put their discomfort aside always learn faster – and enjoy the experience much more.
Joel March 25, 2013 at 3:09 pm
edit
Hi Folks! My story is quite a bit different from most. I came to Ecuador (Guayaquil area) from retirement in Florida to meet my future wife, Lorena. When we met, our mutual expectations were met or exceeded instantly. As our commitment matures, we find that the language difference is the most troublesome stumbling block. She speaks some English; I have learned some Spanish. But if not for the various online translators, e.g., translate.google.com and the iSpeak apps for our iPhones, we would be way behind in our relationship. Total immersion seems to be working OK for me, however. I supplement with Rosetta Stone and a good small dictionary. The Rosetta Stone is not working all that well. It just seems too slow! I have found, however, that most people are glad to help me if I try, and keep a sense of humor about it all. Spoken Spanish here near Guayaquil is mas rapido…I found that I could understand much better the slower speech in Cuenca last weekend.
Jim and Natalie February 13, 2013 at 8:40 pm
edit
Great article. We just moved to Costa Rica from the States a month ago, and even though we had taken some Spanish classes, nothing compares to being immersed. I’m glad to hear someone talk about how difficult a transition this can be. Perhaps it’s all the marketing that makes you believe it’s as easy as 1-2-3 because the reality is that it’s not. Just because I know how to ask for something off a menu doesn’t mean I’m going to understand a single word of the reply. I’d rather be told up front that it’s going to be difficult, and be ready for a challenge, as opposed to being told it’s easy and feeling frustrated when I struggle. Immersion imparts a desire to learn the language in a way that nothing else can. I learn from every disastrous attempt at communicating, and living in a foreign country forces me to have disaster after disaster. Thanks for making a post to encourage the normal people and letting them know that they’re not alone. Pura Vida!
Dena Haines February 16, 2013 at 2:18 pm
edit
Hi Jim and Natalie,
I’s good to hear that sharing stories about difficulties encouraged you rather than discouraged you! That’s what I was hoping for when I wrote the article.
I agree that it’s better to know upfront about the difficulties involved, because then we can be prepared to work through them.
All the best as you survive future disasters, believe it or not, they will get farther and farther apart.
Thanks for commenting.
Jim February 13, 2013 at 9:45 am
edit
I will refer to our biggest mistake in Ecuador. We did not immerse ourselves in Spanish from the start. We spent our first year thinking that Spanish would come in time and we spent a lot of time around English speaking people. This was sort of a mistake. Sort of, because there were some benefits to taking our time learning Spanish. We got to learn the sounds of Spanish without feeling pressured to learn it which gave us an opportunity to focus on getting over culture shock. So upon arriving in a small town in southern Ecuador, we became immersed in Spanish. We became good friends with a local Ecuadorian family who helped teach our daughters Spanish. During the last 4 months here they have progressed more with speaking Spanish than they did during their entire year in Cuenca. As for my wife and I, our Spanish is coming along much better, though not as fast as our daughters. For us, Spanish immersion and a little tutoring from our bilingual neighbour and new Ecuadorian friends has been a great method of learning to speak Spanish. We have a long way to go, but our optimism for learning Spanish couldn’t be any higher.